A More Excellent Way
I think that I have made a conclusive case that masturbation is nowhere condemned in the Word of God, and that it is a blessing available to males and females, married or single. I have also suggested that the use of nude and erotic images, either in our imagination or otherwise, may not be as forbidden as we have been taught. We need to at least re-examine the issue as objectively as we can in the light of scripture and practical reality, and not just respond with the immediate knee-jerk reaction with which we are so familiar.
Some have agreed, at least in part, and pointed out that sexual fantasizing is not necessarily wrong. One writer said singles could fantasize about married sex with their future spouse. On the Boys Under Attack website I read that if we cannot finish an act of masturbation it may be permissible to imagine an erotic scene to bring it to conclusion because that is what our body and mind do naturally during sleep in order to bring a wet-dream to it’s pleasurable climax.
Images and Arousal
It may be that there is little difference between mentally projecting a sexual image on the screen of our imagination, and seeing an actual image. In doing so we are not lusting after the person. We are merely using their likeness to stimulate our own sexuality and make an enjoyable act more pleasurable, and easier to do.
But, having said all of that, I would like to at least point out that if we are allowing ourselves the use of any level of erotic imagery as an aid to enjoying the God given blessing of Solo Sex it would be best to keep it to the lowest level at which we can reasonably function. To put it bluntly, it is one thing to use our imagination to visualize sexually stimulating scenes to facilitate our arousal, or to use the underwear ads in a clothing catalogue, or even simple nudes, but it is quite another to use the scenes of raw gymnastic sex that we can download from the Internet, or see on late night cable TV!
Some anti-masturbation people label everything from lingerie ads to explicit animalistic sex as “porn,” making no differentiation at all. This is neither sensible, nor helpful. Pretty well anyone can tell there is a difference between simple nudity, erotica, and porn.
A More Excellent Way?
Of course the best
course of action may be
to not have to use
images of any kind,
real or imagined.
Of course the best course of action may be to not have to use images of any kind, real or imagined. There are those who masturbate only when the internal physical pressure builds up to the point that an erection happens spontaneously, or is extremely easy to obtain. They may wake up with one, ready and rearing to go. Once they start to gently caress their excitement the sensations themselves take over. As they concentrate on what they are feeling one sensation leads to another and continues to build until they explode in a body shaking, soul satisfying, “thank-God, thank-God, thank-God for solo sex!” orgasm.
And on a purely practical note the chance of this approach being successful is greatly increased by the use of a good quality sexual toy. Keeping a "ready to go" Fleshlight or Flip-Hole (already well lubricated) in a nightstand is a great help. With a ready body and a ready toy all one has to do is slip his penis inside the soft enveloping caress, enjoy the mounting stimulation and stroke to splendid satisfaction. It is so much easier to focus on the sexual sensations if those sensations have been made as physically pleasant as possible.
To be sure, this may be the ideal. No images of any kind - just the pleasure of one’s own body. Perhaps assisted and amplified by the use of a tried and true sexual toy.
I commend those who are able to masturbate this way, and be content and satisfied. However, it just may take a special grace from God to be able to restrict oneself to this level. Starting to self-pleasure like this in very early adolescence may be the easiest way. Or one could slowly train his mind and body to respond to lower and lower levels of erotica until no external or imagined stimulation is needed at all. Or simply go “cold turkey?”
If we choose to restrict ourselves to this level of masturbatory experience we may not be able to masturbate as often as we ordinarily would, but for those whose conscience is more sensitive concerning these matters, it would mean they could enjoy a more guilt free orgasm. That would certainly be better than feeling condemned all the time, or not masturbating at all and being perpetually frustrated while waiting for the next wet dream.
But let’s be real here. Not everyone can regularly achieve this “more excellent way.” The truth is few of us reach “the ideal” in any aspect of our lives, whether it is in our prayer life, our life in the Word, our married life, or our experience of Solo Sex. I haven’t, and I doubt that you have either. I think it is best to simply accept where we are in our solo sex journey and let God lead us to make changes, if and when He sees fit.
Until then decide before God what your masturbatory parameters are, what you can enjoy with a clear conscience, and don’t sweat it. If and when God really wants us to do things differently you can be sure He will not only let us know but He will then provide the grace to make the change.
God bless you.