Synonyms for Solo Sex

Vitruvian Man, 1492, Leonardo DaVinci’s sketch of a naked man.Welcome to what is, without a doubt, the longest page on this website. (And maybe just an exercise in sillyness?)

We have so many ways of saying masturbation, without really saying the word masturbation. I find it all very entertaining so I have collected as many as I can from around the web, omitting those I consider to be too vulgar for my taste. I know the “F” word is used in colloquial speech, but I sure don’t want to use it here.

And yes, some may be crude, but it is masturbation we are talking about here. Many are old standbys, others are humorous, or witty, and a few are downright poetic (well, at least they rhyme.)

Also, I came across numerous graphics about masturbation, wanking, or what have you, most of which are rather humourous. I collected as many as I could. This seemed as good a place as any in which to display them.

About the synonyms for masturbation I should also say that there are few, actually quite a few, that I just don’t “get,” so if you notice one that has a bad connotation, please send me an email and let me know so I can remove it. Thanks.

A more accurate title for this page would have been Euphemisms for Masturbation, but I confess I prefer catchy phrases, especially ones with alliteration. A hangover from my days as a preacher, I suppose. Anyway, here they are.

Male List

  • A big date with Rosy Palms
  • A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 daughters
  • Abusing the usual suspect
  • Addressing Lord Palmer
  • Adjusting the antenna Masturbation, Do It Right.
  • Adjusting your set
  • Angry fist action
  • Answering the Bone-A-Phone
  • Applying the hand brake
  • Arguing with Henry Longfellow
  • Arm-wrestling the purple-headed storm trooper
  • Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
  • Assault on a friendly weapon
  • Assaulting the Tower of London
  • Attacking the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
  • Attending to the throb knob needs
  • Auditioning the hand puppet
  • Autoeroticism
  • Backstroke roulette
  • Badgering the witness
  • Baiting your hook
  • Ball off
  • Ball slappin' fun
  • Bang yourself
  • Bangin' your bacon
  • Banging one out
  • Banging the Cyclops Masturbation, Knock First.
  • Bash the bishop
  • Bash the candle
  • Bashing the Bishop
  • Bashing the candle
  • Bashing the pear
  • Basting the ham
  • Batting practice
  • Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
  • Beat off
  • Beat the beaver
  • Beat the meat
  • Beat your hog
  • Beatin' Bobby
  • Beating Bob and the twins
  • Beating Jack
  • Beating off
  • Beating the bait
  • Beating the balloon
  • Beating the balogna
  • Beating the beagle
  • Beating the bed flute
  • Beating the Bishop
  • Beating the dummy
  • Beating the goat
  • Beating the old man
  • Beating the pud
  • Beating the purple headed yogurt slinger? Anti Masturbation Gum.
  • Beating the snake
  • Beating the snot outta Rodney
  • Beating the stick
  • Beating your meat
  • Beef-stroke-it-off
  • Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
  • Being rough with the sex stick
  • Being your own best friend
  • Belaboring the obvious
  • Belt your hog
  • Beta-testing the hardware
  • Better than Chocolate
  • Biffing off
  • Blanket drill, The
  • Bleed the lizard
  • Bleed the weed
  • Bleeding the weasel
  • Bleeding the weed
  • Blow your load
  • Blowing your load
  • Blowing your own horn
  • Bludgeon the beefsteak
  • Bludgeoning the beefsteak
  • Blueball baseball
  • Blue-ball buster
  • Bobbing your boloney
  • Bonging your shlong
  • Booting up the hard drive
  • Bop the baloney
  • Bop the boa
  • Bop the bologna
  • Bop the hog
  • Boppin' your bologna Masturbation, Chocking the Chicken.
  • Bopping Richard
  • Bopping the baloney
  • Bopping the bishop
  • Bopping the Bonzo
  • Bouncing the bunny
  • Box the Jesuit
  • Boxing Oscar
  • Boxing Oscar in the closet
  • Boxing the bald champ
  • Boxing the clown
  • Boxing the Jesuit
  • Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
  • Boxing the one-eyed clown
  • Boxing the trouser mouse
  • Boxing with Richard
  • Breaking the fish tank
  • Buckin' it
  • Buffin' the bishop
  • Buffing my wand
  • Buffing the banana
  • Buffing the rifle
  • Buffing the wood
  • Buffing your nuts
  • Bunning your hot dog
  • Burning off a few calories
  • Burping the baby
  • Burping the Boa
  • Burping the worm
  • Bust a nut
  • Busting a nut
  • Butter your corn
  • Buttering your corn
  • Calling all cum
  • Calling down for more mayo
  • Calling genie
  • Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis Masturbation, Fapping.
  • Caning the vandal
  • Caping the crusader
  • Capturing the bishop
  • Carnal Tunnel Syndrome
  • Carrying weight
  • Cast off
  • Casting off
  • Chafing the weasel
  • Changing your oil
  • Charm the cobra
  • Charming the cobra
  • Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
  • Charming the snake
  • Cheap date
  • Cheating on your other hand
  • Checking for testicular cancer
  • Checking the plumbing
  • Cheesing off
  • Chicken milking
  • Chilling the dill
  • Choke Kojak
  • Choke the bishop
  • Choke the chicken
  • Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
  • Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
  • Choking Kojak
  • Choking the bald guy 'til he pukes
  • Choking the chicken
  • Choking the hog
  • Choking the pirate
  • Choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come
  • Choking your chicken Masturbation, Choking the Chicken.
  • Choking yourself into emission
  • Chopping down
  • Chucking one in the sink
  • Chucking the yogurt
  • Churning the Codpiece Butter
  • Churning your butter
  • Civil War
  • Clamping the pipe
  • Cleaning out the rope
  • Cleaning out your rope
  • Cleaning the Musket
  • Cleaning the pipes
  • Cleaning the rifle
  • Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
  • Cleaning your rifle
  • Clearing the snorkel
  • Clicking the mouse
  • Climbin' the tree
  • Climbing Mount Baldy
  • Climbing the corporate ladder
  • Clobbering the bad guy
  • Clobbering the Kleenex
  • Closet Frisbee
  • Clubbing Eddy
  • Clubbing the baby seal
  • Clubbing the clam
  • Clubbing the dolphin
  • Clubbing the dummy
  • Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
  • Coax the cajones
  • Cocking the rifle
  • Collecting a specimen
  • Coming into your own
  • Coming to grips with the situation
  • Coming to grips with yourself
  • Committing mass spermicide
  • Cooking the cream of cock
  • Cooking with Wong
  • Corking the bat
  • Corralling the tadpoles
  • Couch hockey for one
  • Cough your filthy yogurt Masturbation, Hand Job.
  • Cracking one off
  • Cracking the fat
  • Crank the Shank
  • Crank yanking
  • Cranking
  • Cranking for cum
  • Cranking one off
  • Cranking the love pump
  • Cranking the monkey
  • Cranking the shank
  • Creaming the banana
  • Crimping the wire
  • Crown the king
  • Crowning the king
  • Cuddlin' the Kielbasa
  • Cuff the carrot
  • Cuff the governor
  • Cuffing the carrot
  • Cuffing the dummy
  • Cuffing the puppy
  • Custer's Last Stand
  • Dancing round the maypole
  • Dancing the two-fisted tango
  • Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
  • Date Rosey Palm and her five daughters
  • Dating Miss Michigan (think geography)
  • Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
  • Dating Rosie Palm and her five sisters
  • Debugging the hard drive
  • Decongesting the weasel
  • Delivering the Ejaculation Proclamation
  • Detoxifying the puppy
  • Dick whacking
  • Diddle my skittle
  • Diddle whacking
  • Diddle yourself
  • Diddling
  • Digging for change
  • Digitally oscillating one's penis
  • Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile Masturbation, No Fapping.
  • Disciplining the primate
  • Dishonorable discharge
  • Disseminating
  • Do the Dew Dogger Bank
  • Doin' a loner with your boner
  • Doin' the solitary rhumba
  • Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
  • Doing a hand job
  • Doing an impression of Goofy
  • Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
  • Doing handiwork
  • Doing it your way
  • Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
  • Doing the hand jive
  • Doing the hand-cooter
  • Doing the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT
  • Doing the janitor thing
  • Doing the knuckle shuffle on your piss pump
  • Doing the plotkin
  • Doing the pork sword jiggle
  • Doing the sin of Onan
  • Doing the White Knuckler
  • Doing your own thing
  • Donald trump firing his apprentice
  • Dong flogging
  • Doodle your noodle
  • Doodling your noodle
  • Double clicking the mouse
  • Downing at the club (for members only) Masturbation, Handz Off Air Freshener.
  • Downing the pitcher
  • Downloading from your own website
  • Drain the dragon
  • Drain the monster
  • Drain the vein
  • Draining the dragon
  • Draining the lizard
  • Draining the main vein
  • Draining the monster
  • Draining the one-eyed monster
  • Draining the poisons from the building
  • Draining the vats
  • Draining the vein
  • Drip the pickle
  • Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
  • Driving the Golden Spike
  • Driving the skin bus
  • Drop off a load
  • Droppin' a wad of hot wax
  • Dropping a line
  • Dropping stomach pancakes
  • Dropping the kids off at the pool
  • Drubbing the dolphin
  • Dry humping the ottoman
  • Duking the Bishop
  • Electing the president
  • Emptyin' the Saloon
  • Emptying your sex pistol
  • Engaging in safe sex
  • Entertaining the emu
  • Erupting Ol' Faithful
  • Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell Masturbation, Handz Off Cream.
  • Evicting the testicular squatters
  • Falling in love with your right hand
  • Fapping
  • Faxing Jimmy Dean
  • Faxing the Pope
  • Feeding the chooks
  • Feeding the ducks
  • Fertilizing the Lawn
  • Fetch the bagel dog
  • Fetching milk
  • Fiction friction
  • Fiddle the ferret
  • Fight your turkey
  • Filling Charlie's magic sock
  • Finding yourself
  • Fire off some knuckle-children
  • Firing the flesh musket
  • Firing the love rifle
  • Firing the presidential staff
  • Firing the Surgeon General
  • Firm your worm
  • Firming your worm
  • Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
  • Fishing for zipper trout
  • Fist kabobing
  • Fist your mister
  • Fisting your mister
  • Five against one Masturbation, My Right Hand.
  • Five finger knuckle shuffle
  • Five knuckle Olympics
  • Five on one
  • Five-Digit Shuffle
  • Five-finger discount
  • Five-finger solo
  • Five-knuckle chuckle
  • Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
  • Fixing the Hubble
  • Fixing the toilet
  • Flapping Takkie (South African)
  • Flaying the Emperor
  • Flick on over the thumb
  • Flicking the bean
  • Flicking the bic
  • Flipping the Bishop
  • Flog the dolphin
  • Flog yourself
  • Floggin the frog
  • Floggin' the log
  • Flogging the Bishop
  • Flogging the dog
  • Flogging the dolphin
  • Flogging the dong
  • Flogging the frog
  • Flogging the General
  • Flogging the hog
  • Flogging the log
  • Flogging the mule
  • Flogging the salami
  • Flogging your dog
  • Flogging your dong Masturbation, Monkey is Watching.
  • Flogging your dumber brother
  • Flogging your log
  • Flogging your stob
  • Flong your dong
  • Fluffing the pillow
  • Flute solo
  • Fly fishing
  • Flying a kite
  • Flying to Mars in a Helium Balloon
  • Following my bliss
  • Fondle the fig
  • Fondling the fig
  • Fondling the fisherman
  • Fondling the fountain
  • Fooling with your tool
  • Foreplay with Fistina
  • Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam) Masturbation, At Home.
  • Freeing the hostages
  • Freeing the Willies
  • Freeing Willy
  • Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool
  • Friction therapy
  • Frig yourself
  • Frigging the love muscle (British)
  • Friggit
  • Frosting the pastries
  • Fun with friction
  • Gallop the antelope
  • Galloping the antelope
  • Galloping the old lizard
  • Ganging the plank
  • Ganking
  • Get a hold of yourself
  • Get your nuts off
  • Gettin' jizzy with it
  • Gettin' some air nookie
  • Getting a date with Slick Mittens
  • Getting a grip on things
  • Getting a load off my mind
  • Getting a stiffy
  • Getting busy
  • Getting chafed
  • Getting in touch with your manhood
  • Getting in touch with yourself
  • Getting off
  • Getting tennis elbow
  • Getting the dirty water off your chest
  • Getting the German soldier marching Masturbation, I Love Jacking Off.
  • Getting the glue stick
  • Getting to know Miss Michigan
  • Getting to know yourself
  • Getting to know yourself personally in the biblical sense
  • Getting trigger happy
  • Getting your caps peeled
  • Getting your exercise
  • Getting' your oil checked
  • Getting your pole varnished
  • Gherkin jerkin'
  • Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter nuggie
  • Giving it a good once over
  • Giving it a tug
  • Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
  • Giving oneself a low-five
  • Giving the John Hancock
  • Giving the pink Mustang a lube job
  • Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
  • Giving the seamen shore leave
  • Giving your employee a raise
  • Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge
  • Giving yourself a hand
  • Giving yourself a happy ending
  • Giving yourself a helping hand
  • Giving yourself a low five
  • Glazing the donut
  • Gluing the lady's eye's shut
  • Going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
  • Going blind
  • Going fishing with the man in the boat
  • Going for the gold
  • Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
  • Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
  • Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters Masturbation, Loving It.
  • Going on Peewee's little adventure
  • Going steady with my bouncing Betty
  • Going the blow
  • Going to the basement
  • Going to the palm prom
  • Grappling the gorilla
  • Grease the pipe
  • Greasin' up my love monkey
  • Greasing the axle
  • Greasing the flagpole
  • Greasing the monkey
  • Greasing the pipe
  • Greasing your bone
  • Grip your dip
  • Gripping the pencil
  • Grooming your junior
  • Hack the hog
  • Hacking the hog
  • Ham shank
  • Han Solo
  • Hand dancing
  • Hand jive
  • Hand job
  • Hand Shandy Masturbation is Hand Sex.
  • Hand Solo
  • Hand to gland combat
  • Hand to hand combat with the purple helmeted warrior
  • Hand work
  • Handle yourself
  • Handling heavy equipment
  • Handling the hound
  • Hands-on training
  • Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
  • Hand-to-gland combat
  • Handy work
  • Hanging out with Peter Tork
  • Hanging the old man
  • Hard labor
  • Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
  • Hatchin' a batch
  • Have it off
  • Have one off the wrist
  • Having a ball
  • Having a Barclays Bank
  • Having a bat
  • Having a chuff
  • Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
  • Having a date with Fisty Palmer
  • Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
  • Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters Masturbation, Jerking It For Dummies.
  • Having a ham shank
  • Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
  • Having a one-night-stand with yourself
  • Having a play date with your little friend
  • Having a pull
  • Having a puppet show in your pants
  • Having a roy
  • Having a Roy (Australian)
  • Having a Sherman (British)
  • Having a staff meeting
  • Having a tommy tank
  • Having a tug
  • Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
  • Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
  • Having dinner
  • Having group sex with five friends
  • Having it off
  • Having one off the wrist
  • Having sex with someone you love
  • Heating up the hot dog
  • Heaving the heathen handhold
  • Helping Mr. Happy
  • Hit the ham
  • Hit the slit
  • Hitchhike To the Sky
  • Hitchhike under the big top
  • Hitchhiking to heaven
  • Hitchhiking under the Big Top
  • Hitching to Heaven
  • Hitting the ham
  • Hitting the sack
  • Hitting the speedbump
  • Hoisting the flag
  • Holding all the cards
  • Holding my own
  • Holding the sausage hostage
  • Holding your sausage hostage
  • Hone your bone Masturbation, I'd Rather Be Jerking Off.
  • Honing the cone
  • Honing your bone
  • Honking the bobo
  • Huffing on the hoagie
  • Hugging the hog
  • Hugging the sausage
  • Hump your fist
  • Hump your hose
  • Humpin' air
  • Humping your fist
  • Humping your hose
  • In the hand
  • Indiana Jones finding a sweet dig
  • Interrogating the witness
  • Irking the dude
  • Ironing some wrinkles
  • J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
  • Jack hammer
  • Jack hammering
  • Jack off
  • Jackin'
  • Jackin' the Beanstalk
  • Jackin' your meat
  • Jacking off
  • Jacking up the hot rod
  • Jag off
  • Jammin' your jimmy
  • Jazz yourself
  • Jazzing yourself
  • Jelly roll
  • Jerk off
  • Jerk the gherkin
  • Jerk the Johnson
  • Jerkin the gerkin
  • Jerkin' the gherkin
  • Jerkin' the joystick
  • Jerkin' your beef Masturbate.
  • Jerking Jamby
  • Jerking off
  • Jerking the Johnson
  • Jerking the turkey
  • Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
  • Jibbin'
  • Jiggle the jewelry
  • Jiggling the jewelry
  • Jiggling your Johnson
  • Jilling off
  • Jimmying your Joey
  • Jizzlobbing
  • Jogging the lizard
  • Joining the Navy
  • Joshing it
  • Jostling your Elder
  • Juggling the javelin
  • Juice the Moose
  • Juicing the jizz monster
  • Jumping the jock
  • Just combing my hair
  • Just jerkin' it
  • Keep the census down
  • Keeping the Optometrists in business
  • Kick one out
  • Kicking seamen
  • Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to call your parents
  • Killing it
  • Killing Kittens
  • Killing the Beast
  • Killing the bird on punches
  • Kneading my knockwurst
  • Kneeding the bread
  • Knock the top off
  • Knockin' over the weeble Masturbating Too Much.
  • Knocking one off
  • Knocking the top off
  • Knuckle nobbing
  • Knuckle shuffle
  • Knuckle Shuffle on the ol' piss pump
  • Knuckling the bone
  • Lap-based web browsing
  • Launching the hand shuttle
  • Launching the morning missile
  • Launching the rocket
  • Laying the smack down on yourself
  • Leakin' the main drain
  • Let the beaver swim
  • Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
  • Lighting the lava lamp
  • Listening to loud music on a long car ride to LA
  • Living by the fat of the hand
  • Living it up
  • Lizard milking
  • Looking for ticks
  • Looping the mule
  • Loping the mule
  • Loping your mule
  • Love's labors lost
  • Loving the lizard
  • Loving the muppet
  • Lubing the tube
  • Lynching the one-eyed monster
  • Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie
  • Makin' gravy for the biscuit
  • Makin' moonshine
  • Making a fist sandwich
  • Making a foreskin cone
  • Making a knuckle hot dog
  • Making Baby Batter
  • Making free hand lotion
  • Making friends with Big Ed Masturbating is Not a Crime.
  • Making instant pudding
  • Making my girl happy
  • Making nut butter
  • Making special sauce with frank and beans
  • Making the bald guy cry
  • Making the bald guy puke
  • Making the Cyclops cry
  • Making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
  • Making the llama spit
  • Making the piggy squeal
  • Making the scene with the magazine
  • Making with the tadpoles
  • Making yogurt
  • Making yourself at home
  • Mangle the midget
  • Mangling the midget
  • Manhandling the manhood
  • Manhandling your man-handle
  • Manipulate the mango
  • Manipulating the mango
  • Manning the cockpit
  • Manual exercise
  • Manual labor
  • Manual override
  • Manual pollution
  • Manually Increasing the Surface Temperature of the Ship's Primary Cannon by Repeated Linear Manipulation
  • Massage the muscle
  • Massage the purple-headed warrior
  • Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
  • Massaging the mink
  • Massaging your muscle
  • Massaging your purple-headed warrior
  • Master bacon
  • Measuring for condoms
  • Medical wankorama
  • Medieval folk dancing
  • Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters Masturbation Book.
  • Meeting Rosie Hancock
  • Meeting with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
  • Meeting with Palmala Handerson
  • Meeting your kids
  • Menage a moi
  • Milk the Lizard
  • Milking one's self
  • Milking the bull
  • Milking the cow
  • Milking the lizard
  • Milking the monkey
  • Milking the moose
  • Milking the mule
  • Milking the muscle
  • Milking the weasel
  • Milking your wood
  • Milkywaying
  • Million sperm march
  • Minding my own business
  • Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar
  • Molding hot plastic
  • Molesting the mole
  • Monitoring your Merrimac
  • Moulding hot plastic
  • Mounting a corporal and four
  • Mr. happie's fun time
  • Much goo about nothing
  • Muscling up
  • My sex life!
  • Nerk your throbber
  • Nerking your throbber
  • Oil the glove
  • Oiling the baseball bat
  • Oiling the glove
  • Oiling the mighty dick hinge Masturbation Cream.
  • Oiling the Pennywhistle
  • Oiling the pogo stick
  • Onanism
  • Onan's Olympics
  • One gun salute
  • One hand clapping
  • One handed clapping
  • One handed humpty hump love pump, The
  • One handed rodeo, The
  • One handed shim sham
  • One man show
  • One man tug-o-war
  • One man wrestling
  • One man's game
  • One off the wrist
  • One stop shopping
  • One-armed skiing
  • One-handed workout
  • One-legged race, The
  • One-man orgy
  • One-man ring toss
  • One-man show
  • One-man tug-o-war
  • Opening up a bottle of Squirt
  • Organ solo
  • Pack your palm
  • Packing your palm
  • Paddle the pickle
  • Paddling the pickle
  • Paint the pickle
  • Paint the walls
  • Painting the ceiling
  • Painting the pickle
  • Painting the walls
  • Painting your pants Masturbation, Putting the Fun into Self Loving.
  • Palming the calm
  • Pam Anderson Polka
  • Pasting pages
  • Pattin' the puppy
  • Pedal and crank
  • Pee Wee pleaser
  • Peeing children
  • Peel the banana
  • Peel the carrot
  • Peeling some chilis
  • Peeling the banana
  • Peeling the carrot
  • Performing a self-test
  • Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
  • Perling the oyster
  • Pet the poodle
  • Peter beater
  • Petting the dog
  • Petting the kitty
  • Petting the lizard
  • Petting the puppy
  • Petting the python
  • Petting your animal
  • Petting your dog
  • Phoning the czar
  • Pipping the pumpkin
  • Play pocket pool
  • Play the organ
  • Play the piss pipe
  • Play the pisser
  • Play the skin flute
  • Play the stand-up organ
  • Play with yourself
  • Playin' the bone-a-thon Masturbation, Taking Matters Into Your Own Hands.
  • Playin' with hardballs
  • Playin' with yourself
  • Playing a little five-on-one
  • Playing a one-stringed guitar
  • Playing air guitar naked
  • Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
  • Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
  • Playing five card stud
  • Playing in a one-man show
  • Playing miniature golf
  • Playing paintball with white paint
  • Playing peekaboo
  • Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
  • Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
  • Playing ping pong with your ding dong
  • Playing pocket pinball
  • Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
  • Playing pocket pool
  • Playing pocket pool
  • Playing tag with the pink torpedo
  • Playing the crotch trombone
  • Playing the flesh flute
  • Playing the male organ
  • Playing the one-handed air guitar
  • Playing the one-stringed melody
  • Playing the organ
  • Playing the piss pipe
  • Playing the pisser
  • Playing the skin flute
  • Playing the solo symphony
  • Playing the stand-up organ
  • Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
  • Playing Uno
  • Playing with Dick
  • Playing with my little brother Peter
  • Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends It is Masturbation Time.
  • Playing with Susie Palm and her five friends
  • Playing with the noodle
  • Playing with the pogo stick
  • Playing with the snake
  • Playing with the spitting llama
  • Playing with Yoosef
  • Playing with your bird
  • Playing with your noodle
  • Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
  • Playing with yourself
  • Playing Yahtzee
  • Playing your instrument
  • Pleasing your pisser
  • Pleasure pumping
  • Plunk your twanger
  • Plunking your twanger
  • Poaching the salmon
  • Pocket billiards
  • Pocket pinball
  • Pocket pinball
  • Pocket pool
  • Pocket Punch 'n' Judy
  • Pokin' the palm
  • Poking palm
  • Pole vaulting
  • Polish the bishop
  • Polish the chrome dome
  • Polish the helmet
  • Polish the rocket
  • Polish the sword
  • Polish your bayonet
  • Polish your helmet
  • Polish your piece
  • Polishing Percy in your palm
  • Polishing the banister Masturbation in the World.
  • Polishing the bayonet
  • Polishing the beak
  • Polishing the cane
  • Polishing the chrome dome
  • Polishing the cue stick
  • Polishing the family jewels
  • Polishing the fire pole
  • Polishing the helmet
  • Polishing the hot rod
  • Polishing the knob
  • Polishing the Lighthouse
  • Polishing the pearl
  • Polishing the pink Mustang
  • Polishing the Pope
  • Polishing the purple people pleaser
  • Polishing the rocket
  • Polishing the rocking horse
  • Polishing the rod
  • Polishing the sword
  • Polishing your bayonet
  • Polishing your helmet
  • Polishing your piece
  • Popping a nut
  • Popping the blister
  • Popping the bone
  • Popping the cork
  • Popping the porpoise
  • Popping your top
  • Pound off
  • Pound your flounder
  • Pound your piss pump
  • Pound your pomegranate
  • Pounding off
  • Pounding the bald-headed moose Masturbation is Murder.
  • Pounding the pud
  • Pounding your flounder
  • Pounding your piss pump
  • Pounding your pud
  • Pouring off the potatoes
  • Practicing for the big game
  • Praising God
  • Preparing the carrot
  • Priming the pump
  • Private arm exercise
  • Prod the peepee
  • Promoting carpal-tunnel syndrome
  • Pud wrestling
  • Puddin'
  • Pudwhacking
  • Pull off
  • Pull the root
  • Pull your pud
  • Pull your pudding
  • Pull yourself off
  • Pullin' a few rounds
  • Pulling off
  • Pulling pud
  • Pulling rank
  • Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
  • Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
  • Pulling the bologna pony
  • Pulling the carrot
  • Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
  • Pulling the cord
  • Pulling the five-knuckle shuffle
  • Pulling the goalie
  • Pulling the handbrake
  • Pulling the piss pump Masturbation, Medication.
  • Pulling the pole
  • Pulling the pope
  • Pulling the pork stick
  • Pulling the pud
  • Pulling the root
  • Pulling the rope
  • Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
  • Pulling the taffy
  • Pulling the weed
  • Pulling the wire
  • Pulling your goalie
  • Pulling your love muscle
  • Pulling your own leg
  • Pulling your pickle
  • Pulling your plonker
  • Pulling your power cord
  • Pulling your prick
  • Pulling your pud
  • Pulling your taffy
  • Pulling your wire
  • Pummeling the priest
  • Pump your pickle
  • Pumpin' the poodle
  • Pumping cream
  • Pumping for pleasure
  • Pumping for power
  • Pumping gas at the self-service island
  • Pumping iron
  • Pumping the electric goo gun
  • Pumping the porpoise
  • Pumping the python
  • Pumping the soft soap dispenser
  • Pumping the stump
  • Pumping your gas at self-service island Now I Can Masturbate.
  • Punchin' the clown
  • Punchin' the midget
  • Punchin' the munchkin
  • Punching the clown
  • Punching the munchkin
  • Punching the possum
  • Punching the stepson
  • Punching yourself in the crotch
  • Punishing Percy
  • Punishing Percy
  • Punishing Percy with the palm
  • Punishing the Bishop
  • Punishing the Evil Merchant
  • Punishing the Pope
  • Punishing the priest
  • Puttin' the tie on
  • Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
  • Qualifying in the testicular time trial
  • Quashing the Southern Uprising
  • Raising Stonehenge
  • Raising the flag pole
  • Raising the mainsail
  • Raising your sail
  • Ram the ham
  • Ramming the ham
  • Rapid delivery
  • Rapid one arm pull-ups
  • Reading poetry
  • Releasing the hostages
  • Releasing the Olympic Doves
  • Relieving tension
  • Reverse osmosis
  • Ricky boxing
  • Ride the great white knuckler
  • Riding the donkey cart to Texas while high on acid
  • Riding the Great White Knuckler Stop Masturbating.
  • Riding the lightning
  • Riffing on the bendy Fender
  • Ringing the bell
  • Ringing the rag
  • Rippin' the rocket
  • Rocket piloting
  • Rockin' the rooster
  • Rolling the fleshy blunt
  • Rolling your own
  • Roman helmet rhumba
  • Romancing the bone
  • Romeo and Himself
  • Rootin' for the Yankees
  • Rope the pony
  • Ropin' the long horn
  • Roping the pony
  • Roping the Pope
  • Roughing the passer
  • Roughing up the suspect
  • Rounding up the tadpoles
  • Rub off
  • Rub one out
  • Rub the unicorn's horn
  • Rubbing off
  • Rubbing one out
  • Rubbing Peter to pay Paula
  • Rubbing Rob Reiner
  • Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
  • Rubbing the pink eraser
  • Rubbing the rod
  • Rubbing the unicorn's horn
  • Ruin your eyesight
  • Ruminating & Pondering
  • Run off a batch
  • Running in single-user mode
  • Running off a batch by hand
  • Running the cheeta
  • Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights Masturbation, Take a Break.
  • Safest sex
  • Salting your nuts in the shell
  • Saluting the general
  • Sanding the main mast
  • Sanding the obelisk
  • Sanding wood
  • Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
  • Saying hello to Mr. Winkie
  • Scalpin' the injun
  • Schnauzer Shuffleboard
  • Scouring the tower of power
  • Scraping the carrot
  • Scraping your carrot
  • Scraping your horn
  • Scratch n’ sniff
  • Scratchin' the itch
  • Scratching the cat pole
  • Scratching the itch
  • Scromping the camper
  • Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
  • Seasonin' your meat
  • Seasoning your meat
  • Secret handshake
  • Seeding the carpet
  • Self abuse
  • Self catering
  • Self love
  • Self-induced penile regurgitation
  • Self-inflicted intercourse
  • Self-love
  • Sending a boy to the Academy
  • Sending out the troops
  • Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
  • Setting sail with Captain Thumb on the USS Hand Masturbation, Thumb War.
  • Sex with someone you really love
  • Sex with your best friend
  • Shag off
  • Shagging
  • Shake and steak
  • Shake the snake
  • Shakin' hands with Little Richard
  • Shaking coconuts from the love tree
  • Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
  • Shaking hands with beef
  • Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
  • Shaking hands with Johnson
  • Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
  • Shaking Hands with Mr. President
  • Shaking hands with Shorty
  • Shaking hands with the boss
  • Shaking hands with the general
  • Shaking hands with the goblin of love
  • Shaking hands with the Governor
  • Shaking hands with the midget
  • Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
  • Shaking hands with the President
  • Shaking hands with the unemployed
  • Shaking hands with your John Thomas
  • Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
  • Shaking hands with yourself
  • Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
  • Shaking the bottle
  • Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
  • Shaking the dice
  • Shaking the hand of the self-employed
  • Shaking the sauce
  • Shaking the sausage
  • Shaking the snake
  • Shaking the sugar tree
  • Shaking the tree
  • Shaking the white-out pen
  • Shaking your fist at the ex-girlfriend Masturbation, Wanking, Everyone Needs a Hobby.
  • Shanking
  • Sharpening your pencil
  • Shavin' the carrot
  • Shellacking the shellaleigh
  • Shemping the hog
  • Shifting gears
  • Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
  • Shine your pole
  • Shining the helmet
  • Shining the pork sword
  • Shining the shaft
  • Shining the shank
  • Shining the torpedo
  • Shining your pole
  • Shlackin' the glacknoid
  • Shootin' Puddy at the moon
  • Shootin' your splouge
  • Shooting Cupid's arrow
  • Shooting enemies
  • Shooting flies
  • Shooting for the moon
  • Shooting for the stars
  • Shooting practice
  • Shooting putty at the moon
  • Shooting Sherman
  • Shooting skeet (pull...shoot)
  • Shooting tadpoles at the moon
  • Shooting the pump action porridge gun
  • Shooting the sherbert
  • Shooting to score
  • Shooting without scoring
  • Shooting your wad
  • Shower spank
  • Shuckin' Bubba Weapons of Masturbation.
  • Shucking Bubba
  • Shucking the corn
  • Shuffle your Ipod
  • Signing your John Hancock
  • Simple infanticide
  • Singing with Donny Osmond
  • Skipping rope
  • Slaking the bacon
  • Slam the clam
  • Slam the hammer
  • Slammin' the salami
  • Slamming the ham
  • Slamming the hammer
  • Slamming the salmon
  • Slamming the spam
  • Slamming the sump-pump
  • Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
  • Slap my happy sacs
  • Slap the salami
  • Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
  • Slappin' Pappy
  • Slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol
  • Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
  • Slapping it
  • Slapping my happy sacks
  • Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
  • Slapping the carrot
  • Slapping the clown
  • Slapping the Cyclops
  • Slapping the donkey
  • Slapping the FleshGopher
  • Slapping the meat
  • Slapping the pud
  • Slapping the salami
  • Slapping Uncle Willy
  • Slapping your chub You Are A Masturbator.
  • Slaying the beast
  • Slaying the dragon
  • Sleeping
  • Slicking the stick
  • Slinging jelly
  • Slinging the jelly
  • Sloppy Joe's last stand
  • Sloppy sign language
  • Smackin' Isaiah
  • Smacking Bob around
  • Smacking the monkey
  • Smacking the oompa loompa
  • Smacking the salami
  • Smacking the snake
  • Smacking the weasel
  • Smacking the yak 'til it spits back
  • Smacking-off
  • Smite the dragon
  • Smoking the bratworst
  • Snap the monkey
  • Snap the whip
  • Snappin' off a batch
  • Snapping one off
  • Snapping the carrot
  • Snapping the monkey
  • Snapping the radish
  • Snapping the rubber
  • Snapping the whip
  • Snapping your carrot
  • Solitary sin, The
  • Solo flight
  • Solo marathon
  • Solo sex
  • Solo spurting
  • Soup of the day
  • Spackling the ceiling Masturbation, Wanker.
  • Spank the frank
  • Spank your monkey
  • Spanking Cheetah
  • Spanking Elvis
  • Spanking Frank
  • Spanking the bishop
  • Spanking the frank
  • Spanking the Monkey
  • Spanking the plank
  • Spanking the salami
  • Spanking the wank
  • Spanking up a batch
  • Speaking into the microphone
  • Spear chucking
  • Spearing the Spartans
  • Spending some quality time with yourself
  • Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German
  • Spewing your load
  • Spilling my children on my belly
  • Spinnin’ a record
  • Spit-polishing the purple helmet
  • Spit-shine the purple helmet
  • Spitting up
  • Splashing one out
  • Spluging
  • Splurtin' the spladder bladder
  • Spreading the mayo
  • Spunk the monk
  • Spunking
  • Spunking the Monk
  • Spurtin' Bert
  • Squashing the sea monkey
  • Squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie Ceiling Cat Is Watching You Masturbate.
  • Squeeze the lemon
  • Squeezing the burrito
  • Squeezing the Charmin
  • Squeezing the cheese
  • Squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
  • Squeezing the glue
  • Squeezing the juice
  • Squeezing the lemon
  • Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
  • Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
  • Squeezing the weasel
  • Squeezing your cheese-dog
  • Squirting off your load in the school bathroom
  • Squishing the fish
  • Staff meeting
  • Stall clapping
  • Starting the day off right
  • Stir the soup
  • Stirring the batter
  • Stirring the soup
  • Stirring the yogurt
  • Stoking the fire
  • Strainin' the main vein
  • Strangling Kojak
  • Strangling the hog
  • Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
  • Strangling the Serpent
  • Strangling the snake
  • Strangling the Wonka
  • Stress relief for a personal appendage
  • Stretching the limo
  • Stretching the turtle neck
  • Striking the pink match
  • Striking your match
  • Stripping the bark off your wood
  • Stroke off
  • Stroke the stallion Masturbation, Doonesbury.
  • Stroke 'til you spew
  • Stroke your poke
  • Stroke your poker
  • Strokin'
  • Strokin' the mule
  • Strokin' the sausage
  • Stroking it
  • Stroking off
  • Stroking the balony pony
  • Stroking the Bishop
  • Stroking the dog
  • Stroking the lizard
  • Stroking the mole
  • Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
  • Stroking the salami
  • Stroking the satin-headed serpent
  • Stroking the snake
  • Stroking the squirmin' German
  • Stroking the stallion
  • Stroking the wiener
  • Stroking your goat
  • Stroking your poker
  • Stroking your pud
  • Stroking your twinkie
  • Stromming the Thurmond
  • Strummin' my six inch
  • Studying for a math test
  • Stuffing the ballot box
  • Sucker-punching the blind webster
  • Swickin' it
  • Swinging the jump rope
  • Swinging the light saber
  • Swinging the purple-veined kidney stabber
  • Swinging the royal red reproduction rod Masturbation, Hand Lotion, Cheaper Than Dinner and a Movie.
  • Tadpole rodeo, The
  • Tagging off
  • Takin' the bunt sign
  • Taking a core sample
  • Taking a five minute vacation south of the border
  • Taking a nap
  • Taking a shake break
  • Taking advantage of yourself
  • Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
  • Taking care of business
  • Taking care of my business
  • Taking control of yourself
  • Taking Herman to the circus
  • Taking little Elvis to Graceland
  • Taking Little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
  • Taking matters into your own hands
  • Taking ol' one eye through the fly
  • Taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
  • Taking part in population control
  • Taking some time off
  • Taking the dog for a walk
  • Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
  • Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
  • Taking the sperm whale for a walk
  • Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
  • Talking quietly to yourself
  • Talking turkey
  • Tame the wild hog
  • Taming of the shrew, The
  • Taming the shrew
  • Taming the wild hog
  • Tamping your tater
  • Tango Con Mano
  • Tap the turkey
  • Tapping the turkey
  • Tapping the wookie on the head
  • Target practice
  • Target practice with the yogurt gun Masturbation, It Was Not Me.
  • Target practicing with white ammo
  • Taunting the one-eyed weasel
  • Teaching him a lesson
  • Teaching your kids to swim
  • Tease one out
  • Tease the python
  • Tease the weasel
  • Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
  • Teasing the python
  • Teasing the Viking
  • Teasing the weasel
  • Teasing the weenie
  • Teeing off
  • Tenderize the meat
  • Tenderizing the tube steak
  • Tenderizing your meat
  • Test-firing the meat missile
  • Testicular tensile strength test
  • Testing the hand cream dispenser
  • Testing the testicles
  • Testing your batteries
  • Tethering the blimp
  • That crazy hand jive
  • The art of Unisex
  • The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
  • The erky jerk
  • The five digit disco
  • The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
  • The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
  • The serta solo
  • The sticky page rhumba
  • Thrapping
  • Thrashing the weasel
  • Threading a needle May is Masturbation Month.
  • Throbbing the knob
  • Throttle the bottle
  • Throw off a catch
  • Throwin' down
  • Throwing
  • Throwing a shower
  • Throwing off a batch
  • Throwing one
  • Throwing up mayo
  • Thump the pump
  • Thumping the pump
  • Thumping your pud
  • Thwackin' the sack
  • Tick the taco
  • Tickle the Elmo
  • Tickle the pickle
  • Tickle your goodfoot
  • Ticklewigglejigglepickle
  • Tickling my fancy
  • Tickling the dragon's tail
  • Tickling the ivory
  • Tickling the one-eyed weasel
  • Tickling the pickle
  • Tickling the Polish salmon
  • Tickling your Elmo
  • Toilet sailing
  • Tonking
  • Torkin' the fork
  • Torqueing the turtle
  • Torturing the tentacle
  • Toss off
  • Toss the boss
  • Toss the midget
  • Toss the turkey
  • Tossing off
  • Tossing the boss
  • Tossing the salad Masturbation, What You Do Not Want To Picture Your Roommate Doing.
  • Tossing the sauce
  • Tossing the snag
  • Tossing the spam javelin
  • Tossing the turkey
  • Tossing the white ball
  • Tossing yogurt
  • Touch off a batch of orphans
  • Touching the penis
  • Treating yourself right
  • Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
  • Trolling for trouser trout
  • Trouser snake CPR
  • Trouser trout dancing lesson
  • Trying for a Scarlet "M"
  • Tube sock tango
  • Tug of war with Cyclops
  • Tuggin' the timber
  • Tugging Mount Love
  • Tugging old beater
  • Tugging the rope
  • Tugging the slug
  • Tugging the tapioca tube
  • Tugging the tossle
  • Tugging the tubesteak
  • Tugging the turkey
  • Tugging your tubesteak
  • Tuning my horn
  • Tuning the antenna
  • Tuning your organ
  • Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
  • Turning on the ivory faucet
  • Turning on your fire hose
  • Tussle with your muscle
  • Tussling the Muscle Masturbation, Test Drive.
  • Twang your wire
  • Twanging the wire
  • Tweaking your twinkie
  • Tweek
  • Twisting your crank
  • Twisting your tool
  • Two-finger tango
  • Typing with one hand
  • Uncorking the bottle
  • Uncorking the champagne
  • Underarm javelin in the meat olympics
  • Unloading
  • Unloading the gun
  • Unmasking Darth Vader
  • Unsheathing the pork sword
  • Unwrapping the pepperoni
  • Unwrapping the pepperoni
  • Using the Force on Darth Vader
  • Using the force on your meat saber
  • Using the ol' 1 wood
  • Varnishing the cane
  • Varnishing the flagpole
  • Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
  • Vinegar stroke
  • Violating the hedge-hog
  • Visiting Old Faithful
  • Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
  • Visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters
  • Visiting the five-fingered widow
  • Wacking a lap
  • Wacking off
  • Wacking the one-eyed worm
  • Wacking the paddle
  • Wacking the weasel
  • Wacking the weiner
  • Wacking the willie Masturbation Is Not A Crime.
  • Wagging the dog
  • Wailing
  • Wakey wakey hands off snakey
  • Waking the dead
  • Waking up your bro
  • Waking Wee Willie Winkle
  • Walking the dog
  • Walking the plank
  • Walking the snake
  • Walking Willie the one-eyed wonder worm
  • Waltzing with Willy
  • Wang whacking
  • Wank
  • Wank the Willy Wonka
  • Wanking
  • Wanking off
  • Wanking the crank
  • Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
  • Wank-o-rama
  • Washing the elephant's trunk
  • Washing the meat
  • Washing the wolverine
  • Wasting your wad
  • Watching the geyser
  • Waving the Magic Wand
  • Waving to Queen Victoria
  • Wax on, whack off
  • Wax your Jackson
  • Wax your weasel
  • Wax your Willy
  • Waxing pedro
  • Waxing the beanpole
  • Waxing the car
  • Waxing the carrot
  • Waxing the dolphin
  • Waxing the flipper
  • Waxing the old goal post
  • Waxing the rocket
  • Waxing your Jackson Masturbation, Woody Wax.
  • Waxing your surfboard
  • Waxing your weasel
  • Waxing your Willy
  • Waxing your Wood
  • Whack off
  • Whack the bag
  • Whack your tack
  • Whackin' the weasel
  • Whacking it
  • Whacking off
  • Whacking the axe
  • Whacking the weed
  • Whacking Willy
  • Whacking your tack
  • Whapping your wang
  • Whip the cummy
  • Whip your cripper
  • Whippin' the whopper
  • Whipping off
  • Whipping skippy
  • Whipping the balls
  • Whipping the bishop
  • Whipping the dummy
  • Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
  • Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
  • Whipping the pony
  • Whipping the rat
  • Whipping the stiff
  • Whipping the walrus
  • Whipping the willy
  • Whipping the window washer I Am Smiling Because I Am Thinking About Masturbation.
  • Whipping the wire
  • Whipping up a batch
  • Whipping up some sour cream
  • Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
  • Whipping your dripper
  • White water wristing
  • Whitewashing
  • White-water wristing
  • Whittling the Hickory Stick
  • Whittling the stick
  • Whizzin' jism
  • Whizzin' Jizz
  • Whomping the walrus
  • Wiggling your worm
  • Willy tickle
  • Winding my watch
  • Winding the Jack In The Box
  • Windsurfing on Mount Baldy
  • Wing it
  • Winning the jackpot on the one-eyed bandit
  • Wonk your conker
  • Wonking your conker
  • Wonking your donk
  • Work one out
  • Workin' out a stiff joint
  • Working a cramp out of your muscle
  • Working off
  • Working off a batch
  • Working overtime at the meat factory
  • Working up a batch
  • Working your Willy
  • Wrangling the invertebrate serpent Too Much Masturbation Can Ruin Your Vision.
  • Wrestling Jimmy
  • Wrestling the alligator
  • Wrestling the bald-headed champ
  • Wrestling the bald-headed sumo
  • Wrestling the eel
  • Wrestling the gator
  • Wrestling the one-eyed monster
  • Wrestling the purple-headed warrior
  • Wrestling with Cyclops
  • Wrestling with Jimmy
  • Wrestling with the bald champ
  • Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
  • Wring out your rope
  • Wring your thing
  • Wringing out your rope
  • Wringing 'round the rosie
  • Wringing the weasel
  • Wringing your thing
  • Wringing your weasel
  • Wrist aerobics
  • Yahtzee
  • Yank my Doodle (It's a Dandy)
  • Yank my doodle dandy
  • Yank off
  • Yank the yodel
  • Yank your crank
  • Yank your yam
  • Yankin' it
  • Yankin' your chain
  • Yankin' your Franklin
  • Yanking off
  • Yanking the crank
  • Yanking the doodle
  • Yanking the yoyo
  • Yanking your chain
  • Yanking your crank
  • Yanking your plank
  • Yanking your Yoda
  • Yogurt slinging
  • Zipper Olympics Masturbation, Wank A Cola.
  • Zipper surfing
  • Zygote spraying

Female List

  • 3 Point Shot
  • A night in with the girls
  • Airing the orchid
  • Applying lip gloss
  • Applying nail polish remover
  • Auditioning the finger puppets
  • Automatic pilot
  • Banging the box
  • Bashing the gash
  • Basting the tuna
  • Basting your turkey
  • Bathing the kitty
  • Beating around the bush
  • Beating the Beaver
  • Brushing the beaver
  • Brushing your afro
  • Buffing the bead
  • Buffing the Weasel
  • Burying the knuckle
  • Butterin' the muffin
  • Buttering your bagel
  • Carpet bumping
  • Cat got tongue
  • Checking for depth
  • Checking for squirrels
  • Checking for the jackpot
  • Checking my oil
  • Checking the foxhole
  • Checking the muffler
  • Checking the oil
  • Checking the pulse
  • Checking the status of the I/O port
  • Circling the knoll
  • Clam bake for one
  • Cleaning between the camel's toes
  • Cleaning my fur coat
  • Cleaning the kitchen
  • Cleaning your fingers
  • Clit-o-Rama
  • Clitters
  • Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp
  • Coaxing the turtle out of her shell
  • Copping a clam
  • Creamin'
  • Creamin' the pie
  • Defrosting the freezer
  • Dialing the rotary phone
  • Digging a trench
  • Digging for gold
  • Digging for my keys
  • Digging in
  • Digging the cream
  • Digitizing
  • Dipping
  • Dipping for ice cream
  • Diving for pearls
  • Diving for pennies
  • Doing my nails
  • Doing my nails
  • Doing something for my chapped lips
  • Doing the sweet slide
  • Doing the two-finger ballet
  • Doing the two-finger salute
  • Doing the two-finger slot rumba
  • Doing your nails
  • Doodling the noodle
  • Double knuckling
  • Double-clicking your mouse
  • Dousing the digits
  • Draining the tuna
  • Draining your tuna
  • Drilling for fish
  • Drilling for oil
  • Drinking from the fountain of youth (for us contortionists)
  • Drinking from the furry cup
  • Driving Ms. Daisy
  • Dunking your doughnut
  • Dusting the endtable
  • Entering the forest
  • Entering the ring of fire
  • Erasing the problem
  • Excavating the Tunnel of Love
  • Exploring the bush
  • Fanning the fur
  • Feeding the bearded clam
  • Feeding the cat
  • Feeding the pony
  • Feeding your slot
  • Feeling your funnel
  • Fiddling the bean
  • Filling the pink taco
  • Filling your niche
  • Finger bang
  • Finger blasting
  • Finger dipping
  • Finger pie
  • Fingerbating
  • Fingering
  • Fingering something out
  • Fingerpainting
  • Finger-pole the hole
  • Finishing the job
  • Fishing
  • Fishing for cumpliments
  • Fishing for mackerel
  • Flash flood
  • Flickin' the bean
  • Flicking the switch
  • Flicking the tic tac
  • Flipping the light switch repeatedly
  • Flitting your clit
  • Flossing the cat
  • Fluffing the kitty
  • Fluffing the muff
  • Frigging
  • Gagging my meat hole
  • Gagging the clam
  • Gagging the lips of love
  • Genital manipulation
  • Genital stimulation via phalangetic motion
  • Getting a lube job
  • Getting a stain out of my carpet
  • Getting a stinky pinky
  • Getting mud for my turtle
  • Getting the last pickle out of the jar
  • Getting the little man in the boat to go fishing
  • Getting to know Sticky Fingers the mobster
  • Gilding the lily
  • Going around the corner
  • Going deep sea diving
  • Going fishing
  • Going mining
  • Going solo
  • Going to and from the Batcave
  • Greasing your hips
  • Gristle rub
  • Groping the grotto
  • Gusset typing
  • Hand tossing the tuna salad
  • Harpooning your tang
  • Having a date with Martin Five-Fingers
  • Having ladyfingers and cream
  • Hee-Haw with wrinkled Mee-Maw
  • Hitchhiking South
  • Hitting the slit
  • Hitting the spot
  • Honing the stone
  • Hula-hooping
  • Indoor fishing
  • Itching the ditch
  • Jabberwocking
  • Jennying off
  • Jiggling your jenny
  • Jilling off
  • JocelynEldering
  • Jostling the Elder
  • Juicing it up
  • Juicing Lucy
  • Killing off
  • Letting your fingers do the walking
  • Levy break limbo
  • Licking my lips (for us contortionists)
  • Looking for Waldo his dog (gee, spot, there you are!)
  • Makin' waves for the man-in-the-boat
  • Making a mini Eiffel Tower
  • Making kitty purr
  • Making my lips swell
  • Making soup
  • Making the little man sing
  • Making your own gravy
  • Menage a moi
  • Mistressbate
  • Muffin buffin'
  • Nail polish remover
  • Nulling the void
  • Nursing a hatchet wound
  • Opening the bottom drawer
  • Paddling the finger canoe
  • Paddling the pink canoe
  • Pampering the pussy
  • Parting my meat curtain
  • Parting the Red Sea
  • Patting the panky
  • Pearl fishing
  • Peeling the peach
  • Perusing the Yellow Pages
  • Petting Snoopy
  • Petting the kitty
  • Petting the little man in the canoe
  • Petting the petunia
  • Petting the pussy
  • Petting the pussy cat
  • Petting your bunny
  • Petting your kitty
  • Playing couch hockey for one
  • Playing on the cricket green
  • Playing poker
  • Playing solitaire
  • Playing the banjo
  • Playing the beaver
  • Playing the box
  • Playing the clitar
  • Playing the hairy guitar
  • Playing the little Dutch boy
  • Playing the silent trombone
  • Playing the slots
  • Playing with the man in the boat
  • Playing with your pineapple
  • Pluggin the leak
  • Plunging the drain
  • Plunging the happy hole
  • Pokin' the pucker
  • Poking the pudding
  • Polishing the nugget
  • Polishing the peanut
  • Polishing the wedding ring
  • Polishing your pearl
  • Preheating the oven
  • Producing whore moans (hormones)
  • Pushing the button
  • Pussy poking
  • Pussy soccer
  • Putting out the fire
  • Putting the dot in .org
  • Reading braille
  • Reading the map of Tazmania
  • Ride the glide until the tide
  • Riding the bed post
  • Riding the cotton pony
  • Riding the unicycle
  • Riding the waterslide
  • Riding your own mule down Grand Canyon
  • Ringing your bell
  • Rocking the boat
  • Rollin the ol' bean
  • Rolling the dough
  • Rolling the marble
  • Romancing thy own
  • Rubbin Hood
  • Rubbin' the nubbin
  • Rubbing the donut
  • Rubbing the red pussycat
  • Rubbing the stub
  • Salting the beef curtains
  • Scoring the hoop
  • Scraping the cheese off the taco
  • Scratching the patch
  • Scratching where it itches
  • Searching for Ms. “G”
  • Seasoning your fish
  • Secret vice
  • Sending Muffin Morse Code
  • Sexercising
  • Shaking hands with Mr. Paul
  • Shaking the dew off the lily
  • Shebopping
  • Shining the diamond
  • Shooting hoops
  • Shooting the rapids
  • Shucking the fresh water clam
  • Shucking the oyster
  • Slappin' the crack
  • Slapping Susie
  • Slapping the flap
  • Slapping the mackerel
  • Slapping the meat curtain
  • Slapping the skunk guts
  • Slappingslit
  • Slicing pie
  • Sliding down the chute
  • Sliding into home
  • Slob the knob
  • Snatching
  • Soaking in Palmolive
  • Soaking the whisker biscuit
  • Softening the peach
  • Spanking the spot
  • Spanking your puppy on the nose
  • Spearing the bearded clam
  • Spelunking
  • Spelunking in the hairy caves
  • Spelunking in the mystery cave
  • Splashing in the sea
  • Squeezing the peach
  • Steaming the oyster
  • Stiffening my upper lip
  • Stinky pinky
  • Stirring it up
  • Stirring the honey pot
  • Stirring the pudding
  • Stirring the sauce
  • Stoking the furnace
  • Stroking the box
  • Strumming
  • Strumming the banjo
  • Strumming the big open C
  • Surfing the channel
  • Surfing the Slippery Sea
  • Surfing the web
  • Sweeping the chimney
  • Swimming in the crimson lake
  • Swimming in the Pu-Tang River
  • Swimming in the Red Sea
  • Takin' it to tuna town
  • Taking a dip
  • Taking a dip in the lake
  • Taking advantage of yourself
  • Taking the German u-boat into port
  • Tapping the tuna
  • Teasing the kitty
  • Teasing the little man in the canoe
  • Teasing the tuna
  • Teasing the tuna taco
  • Tending your own garden
  • Testing the plumbing
  • Testing the waters
  • Testing your waters
  • The disappearing finger trick
  • The girly gusher
  • The magical disappearing finger trick
  • The ole feel n' squeal
  • The other monthly visitor
  • The two-fingered tango
  • The virgin's release
  • Tickling the kitty
  • Tickling the pearl
  • Tickling the taco
  • Tickling your fancy
  • Tiptoe through the TwoLips
  • Toggling the bit
  • Tossing the pink salad
  • Touching your tigeress
  • Touching your tuna
  • Touring Tasmania (triangular shaped Australian island)
  • Tracing the vertical smile
  • Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
  • Twiddling your twat
  • Twinkling the little star
  • Twirlin' the pearl
  • Two-finger taco tango
  • Two-finger typing
  • Unclogging the drain
  • Visiting Niagra Falls
  • Visiting with Father Thumb and his four sons
  • Visiting your safety deposit box
  • Wading in the Bermuda Triangle
  • Walking Downtown
  • Washing my hands
  • Washing your fingers
  • Waxing the canoe
  • Waxing the milk duds
  • Weaving the carpet
  • Whipping your cream
  • Whipping your nest
  • White knuckling
  • Working in the garden
  • Working out at the Y
  • Wrinkling fingers

 

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