Erotic Stimulation in Solo Sex
When talking against masturbation, so many Christian teachers and leaders have gone way beyond what is legitimate and right. They have legislated where legislation is not called for. They have promoted an unrealistic and unreasonable code of behaviour. And I believe they are wrong to do so. Their actions are neither godly, nor good. It is between a man and God whether or not he masturbates. It is none of anyone else’s business. Certainly not, since God in His Holy Word has chosen to not oppose the practice.
It is better to acknowledge reality than promote an unrealistic ideal. And the reality is, most men and many women masturbate. And many masturbate using some form of nudity or erotica to assist in the act. It may be images in their mind, pictures on a page or screen – anything from underwear, swimsuit and lingerie ads to raw gymnastic sex. And if 80% of the Internet is really about sexual images, it is really about masturbation.
Masturbation is widely condemned; the use of sexually stimulating material even more so. But, is it always wrong? Is the use of images to assist in arousal and orgasm and ejaculation always a sin? Is it, as some people say, really just a form of mental fornication and adultery? Dear Lord I hope not, considering how the Bible views those sins! If they are, a whole lot of people are in a whole lot of trouble.
It Is Going To Happen - Guaranteed
The simple truth of the matter is that no matter who you are, and how much you want to live holy and avoid sin, if you are celibate you are going to become aroused and erect and sexual images are going to be a part of it. And those pictures are going to help you come to orgasm and ejaculate. I guarantee you that eventually it is going to happen. And it is ok in God’s eyes. If you don’t believe me, just read on.
Those who do not have sex, and who do not masturbate, experience a build-up of sexual tension in their bodies. Eventually, that storehouse of seminal fluid overflows, and when it does, they have a "noturnal emmission," or wet dream. During wet dreams men become highly aroused and very erect. They dream of sexual encounters, some of which they would never even consider during their waking hours. At the right moment their sexual muscles rhythmically contract, they feel waves of wonderful sensation; they have an orgasm and ejaculate. And they enjoy every moment of it, waking up feeling so much better.
It should be obvious that God did not reserve sexual pleasure and release for just the married. He provided it for the single and celibate as well. If God was totally against single celibate men having orgasms, He could have provided some other way to take care of the build-up. And if seeing sexual images were totally wrong, He would not have made provision for them during our sleep to help things along.
God did not
to torment us.
You can decide all you want to wage war on your own sexuality. And you can regard the normal healthy God-given functioning of your physical body as sinful. But God will override you each time. This is the way He has designed us, and His way is good. And when you are alone and have an orgasm, unintended, in your sleep, or intentionally at your own hand, for at least a few moments, you have to admit, “It is good.” Real good! And come on, admit it, you do feel so much better afterwards.
God did not give us our sexuality to torment us. And He did not design a man’s body to continually produce seminal fluid just to keep that torment going. No, it was part of his plan to provide us with ongoing moments of pleasurable release. God so wants us to enjoy our orgasms He made sure we would have them, whether we think they are ok or not!
This leads me to a simple startling question. If God designed our minds and bodies to work together projecting sexual images on the inner screen of our imagination to help give us that pleasure and release while asleep, might it not be an indication that such a thing is possible, even permissible when we are awake? If God provided it, we simply cannot say that the equation of images + arousal = orgasm and ejaculation is totally wrong.
There are some things we know about men and masturbation. We know that men want a lot of sex. We want an orgasm daily if possible. It is not always possible with our spouse, so we masturbate. Or we are single, so we masturbate. Sometimes, single or married, we masturbate simply because it is what we want to do at the time.
And we know men are visually stimulated. We enjoy the sight of an attractive woman. It is all around us. It is a reality of the world in which we live. Separate from becoming a hermit who reads no magazines, no newspapers, sees no TV, and never visits society, it is ever present. (And even a hermit has to live with his imagination and natural biological urges.)
We see a picture and feel stimulated. But, we are persons of integrity. We have no desire to actually commit immorality with that person. We are not lusting after a person. We are not coveting "our neighbour’s wife." The only one with whom we want to have intimate personal encounters is our spouse. We are merely feeling aroused by what we see. This is simple reality. It is the way God made men. It is a good thing. And it is no threat to our self, or our spouse.
Another Thing to Consider
Whether we are
married and deprived,
or single and
determined to live holy,
masturbation helps and
makes life somewhat easier.
Let’s look at it another way. We all know what it was like to be an easily excitable teenager. We happen upon a picture of an attractive woman, scantily clad. We are aroused. Our erection begs for attention. So, what if, while in that state of accidental visual stimulation, not by a person, but by a picture, the young man takes advantage of what he is feeling. He reaches for his excited organs and he combines what he is already feeling with physical stimulation. He brings to the surface the pleasurable sensations that are latent in his body, and strokes his way to orgasm. It was wonderful - intense physical pleasure, and the sweet peace of release.
But then he wonders, have I lusted? Have I, in God’s eyes, had sex with that person? He is a Christian and he certainly would not have done so if they were standing there in the room, naked or nearly so, and ready to fulfill his every desire and fantasy. That is a line he has no desire to cross. It would have been an unthinkable transgression. But, was it legitimate to bring to completion the arousal he experienced when he saw the picture?
And so we come to “the question” again. If it is legitimate to "incidentally" use such an image when we happen upon the stimulation, is it legitimate to intentionally use such a thing to stimulate oneself and masturbate? If it is ok by happenstance, is it not ok by choice? If solo sex is good, and a gift from God, are some things that help us masturbate more ok than we might have thought?
It is not easy to stay chaste in our permissive and over sexualized society. Whether we are married and deprived or single and determined to live holy, masturbation helps and makes life somewhat easier. And I believe that anything that can be done to make masturbation easier just may be an understandable and acceptable allowance.
Some may say, "But you are objectifying that person. You are not seeing them as a person of value. You are not seeing them as one for whom Christ died. You are merely using them to gratify your own desires." To which I say, "Oh, give me a break!" The objectifying was done the moment I laid eyes on her.
God made many beautiful objects, from plants and trees and sunsets and bees. Even in being objects their very appearance glorifys God who created such beauty. Each of them is marvelous in their contribution to the planet, their intricate creation, their interrelationship with the rest of the ecology, but I in no way devalue all of that is all I do for the moment is enjoy the view.
The pretty young lady across the street in the tight jeans is just a pretty girl in tight jeans. Of course she is so much more than that, but not everyone we see can in every moment fully be a person to us. Yes, in simply enjoying the view I would be seeing them as an "object." An object whose beauty, like that of the rest of creation, glorifys God.
I can enjoy the image of a beautiful womman and be emotionally and sexually stimuated. To go beyond simply enjoying the beauty would be to lust after them as a person, and that would be mental adultery. So, the objectification of that physical body, which happens every time we see someone anyway, is what prevents the situation from being sinful. Surely anyone can see that there is a difference between using something merely to assist our own sexual arousal and fulfillment, and actually wanting to have sex with that person.
If the gratification of the sexual stimulation I feel from those objectified moments is wrong, then what about the times when I would make love to my wife. When we come together all my excitement is focussed on her, but I experience what was happening there and then, plus the accumulation of what I felt all day long. Each man carries in his body the lingering embers of every bit of sexual stimulation he felt throughout the day. We see a beautiful woman in a translucent top or short skirt and that gets our motor running. Where does that end and our arousal with our spouse begin?
King David looked over his balcony and saw a beautiful naked woman bathing on her rooftop. He became very aroused. What if King David, instead of calling for Bathsheba to come to his bed, had either turned around and went to one of his many wives and fulfilled the excitement he felt in his loins. Or what if he had merely reached down and masturbated. The story certainly would read much differently. The Bible would not say that King David was a man after God’s own heart, a good man except for the adultery with Bathsheba. Neither would it say he was a good man but sinned when he masturbated while looking at Bathsheba. There would be no comment at all.
Solo sex is a good and natural activity. Because I believe this I have decided to masturbate regularly for my personal pleasure and satisfaction. I wish I was younger and could do it even more! And because I believe that it is going to be my primary sexual outlet for the rest of my life, I have taken a very positive stance toward it. In fact, I have decided to so whatever is necessary to make it as easy to do, and as pleasurable as is possible.
But I must confess, even though masturbation is good and natural, for me it is not always an easy thing. I need whatever help I can get. I find I can be erect, stimulated, wanting to orgasm, but just not quite able to "get there." I think that anything that can help the God ordained process along is a good thing.
I believe I should
have the privilege
and be trusted enough
in whichever way I know
will work best for me.
Some will masturbate only occasionally, when they are presented with a highly sensitive erection just begging for attention. Others will stimulate themselves both manually and with imagined sexual scenarios. Many will go further and use actual images. When I masturbate I use time alone, physical aids, and whatever visual images (erotica, not porn) provide the most stimulation at that time. Some people say to just use your imagination. But what is the difference between an imagined image, and one you can actually see? At least that is how I feel about it today.
Also, I have purchased, both in person and on the Internet, several "marital aids." (They are marital only in that they can take some of the pressure off of a marriage.) They are really aids to masturbation. "Toys for Boys," as some web sites would call them (and we "boys" do love our toys.) I especially like one called the Fleshlight.
I believe I should have the privilege and be trusted enough to masturbate in whichever way I know will work best for me. This is a truly private matter and it needs to be a private decision. But in no way are we to violate our conscience. If we are real before Him, and doing wrong, He will show us and deliver us from sin. And believe me, He will. Ultimately, each person has to do what he or she feels is most acceptable before God, in a way that is as honest and pure as they can be, and which most fully embraces the natural reality of their God given humanity.
God bless you.